i love halloween but i'm glad it's over
I hate trick-or-treaters. That sounds mean, I know.
It's nothing to do with dealing with the kids. I don't mind them. I love seeing them in their little costumes; it's very cute. If I had the courage to open the door, I'd also be dressed up to greet them. Unfortunately, hearing someone knock on the door is a major trigger for me.
I know. It looks silly when put into words, but it's true.
Years ago - well over a decade by now - I had a horrible experience with a guy who used to be one of my best friends when I was in college. He turned into a rejected stalker who couldn't take no for an answer after I rejected his advances. He had the common sense not to try anything during class hours, but outside of them he'd send many messages via MSN, Xbox Live, and texts. The worst thing was he'd show up at my house regularly.
Every time I answered the door to him (back then we had a door with no window to see out of), it would turn into a massive argument with me begging him to just go. When we tried to get authorities involved to try and stop him or something, they said they couldn't do anything because he hadn't actually physically hurt me yet.
Yet.
That one word made me deathly afraid of opening the door, because I didn't know how many more times he'd leave peacefully before I hit his limit. He might never have done anything! Still, I didn't want to take the chance because, to me, he didn't even seem like the kind of guy who'd do all this bullshit in the first place.
So. As a result of all this, I get a visceral reaction to our front door being knocked. It's not so bad if I expect someone or something (deliveries, friends for ttrpg / mtg, relatives, trick or treaters), but with how often it happens on Halloween night, it just doesn't feel great.
Logically, I know it's not him. He did move to my town (which did make me afraid of even going into town for things for a few months), but he eventually gave up. Sadly, anxiety doesn't follow logic, so even after 15 years I still get a jolt of panic when I hear the door being knocked.
I'm older now, so if I ever saw him again it's on sight.
But boy, do I fucking hate him for instilling this bullshit thing in me.