weekly round-up #3
❯❯❯❯ LIFE
Last week actually started off okay! Thursday was when it all went off the rails, because that was the day I stopped nicotine cold turkey.
I'd gone off caffeine before and assumed things would be fine because I have prior experience doing such a thing. I was very wrong. Today I feel regular - like an actual person - but Friday through to Sunday? I don't know who that bitch was. I was not doing well at all.
I ended up buying a 0mg / nicotine free vape to help with the hand-to-mouth ritual. That's helped immensely (much to my surprise/delight) but oh my god.
My unmedicated ADHD continues to be a problem, but it's also an equally big problem trying to get through to my local GP so I can actually talk to someone about it. I won't go into it because we'll be here for days, but let's just say it's fully understandable why the place has 1.5 stars in online reviews.
I also spiralled into the idea of changing how I speak again, which I'm not really going to do, but lord did I simmer in that for a while. I've always had trouble being understood (which we now know is probably the autism) but since starting testosterone people commonly assume I'm angry/upset when I'm not, or claim I have a 'tone'.
Fuck knows what any of that means, because I sure don't. If I ask for clarification people assume I'm looking for a confrontation, or say I 'know what I did', which drives me crazy. If I did I wouldn't be asking!
Then I overexplain in the hopes my words / tone won't be misinterpreted, but I get 'oh you just have an answer for everything huh' or 'I didn't ask for excuses' or 'yes you are xyz actually' comments, and then those do end up pissing me off. I might vent about all this properly some other time, but for now I'm just so tired.
❯❯❯❯ GAMES
I bought Death Stranding 2: On the Beach. Haven't been able to play it yet though, with the horrors of withdrawal making me a scattered mess. I'm very excited to get around to it eventually. Other than that I've been doing anniversary Warframe stuff with the irls, and I locked the fuck in on Diablo 4 to get a Paladin to Paragon really fast.
Literally the only other games I've been spending time in are Royal Match and Royal Kingdom on my phone, because they're pretty quick things I can do. I got them to replace the broken Tetris app I had on my phone for anxiety / panic attacks, but now I just play them whenever I want to do something for a few minutes that isn't doomscroll.